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Sunday 12th April

Having the worst time ever!! my life is  just a mess... my ex is fucking it up!
i cant get him out of my head because of him all i wana do is drink till im paraletic take drugs and abuse my body.
why do i let people do this to me? why cant i be strong? my mum tried to stop me from going out to town so now weve had the hugest argument ever and fell out were normaly so close and this is just all his fault!! why does he have to do this and hurt me like this?

My mum cooked a huge dinner today for Easter and had all the family round i totally fucked up and ate loadss..i purged successfully..VERY succesfully for the 1st time ever though.. only managed to do it a gd few hours after we ate tho so dont know how much gd it will have done but it definatly made me feel beter! and hopefully ill be able to do it next time i try now 2!  Thats the only gd point to my day really! I feel so down i hate everything at the moment.. the fact that my ex still hasnt got in touch and probably wont, that i look soo fat and ugly i make myself feel sick and that im still living at home for the next 5months i need to get out of here so i can just do what i want when i want and not have to eat!! oo and another thing i hate is that i have noo money i need 2 just be able to go out every night get bladered and sniffed!! and buy clothess even though i would still just look like a giant heffer in them anyway!! everything is such a mess!! :( :( when will i ever be truly happy?



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